


As The Fire Burns

by herondick



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Funeral, Gen, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28046952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herondick/pseuds/herondick
Summary: One-shot of Will's funeral, from Tessa's perspective.
Relationships: Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray, Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray/Will Herondale, Tessa Gray & James Herondale, Tessa Gray & Lucie Herondale, Tessa Gray & Will Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	As The Fire Burns

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: all character belong to Cassandra Clare.  
> Tumblr: @herondick

Tessa Herondale looked at herself in the mirror, feeling numb all over. Should she consider herself a Herondale anymore? Perhaps she should go back to using Gray as her surname. Her husband was dead, after all, and she didn’t feel as if she had any claim to the last name anymore. She felt isolated from everyone, especially the Shadowhunters. Why should she claim Herondale as her last name?

As she stared at her reflection, Tessa could see herself breaking. Her skin was pale, and there were shadows of grief haunting her eyes. Her cheeks were more prominent than they had been a few weeks ago. The white dress she wore, the color of mourning amongst the Nephilim, hung loose on her slender frame. 

She was reminded of a time long ago, when she was trapped in a house, and she had been forced to learn to use her shapeshifting ability. She remembered feeling so helpless and lonely, wanting someone, anyone to save her. 

And then, someone had saved her. Her Will, her beautiful Will, who was now gone from this world, and gone from her. A few days ago, he had closed his blue eyes, and they had never opened again. 

Tessa wrung her clammy hands together, fighting for the strength she needed to get through this day. 

The door opened, and she heard her son’s voice say, “Mam, it’s time. They’re waiting for us.” 

Pulling herself away from the mirror, Tessa turned around to look at her son. He looked so much like Will, and she felt her heart clench at the sight. In his old age, James was still as handsome as he had always been. His black hair now had specks of white, and his skin was beginning to wrinkle. But Tessa would always see her baby boy, her first born. She would always look at him and hear his child-like laughter, and his young, dimpled face. 

Tessa took a deep breath. “Let’s not keep them waiting, then,” she said, not recognizing her own voice. She walked towards James, looping her arm through his. “I’m ready.” 

She knew she wasn’t ready. She never would be ready. She didn’t know how to say goodbye... and she didn’t know how she could endure it. Nonetheless, she followed James out of the room and into the hallway, and she could feel her heart breaking with every step. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even though it was nearly dusk, summer in Idris seemed to be unusually hot. The sun was almost blinding, and Tessa blinked her eyes as they adjusted to the brightness. 

The funeral had been set up in front of Herondale manor, surrounded by the blooms and buds of the gardens surrounding the estate. Will had always loved spending the summers here, so Tessa figured it was the only appropriate place to bid him farewell. 

But despite the bright colors surrounding her, Tessa only felt darkness and sadness. She could hear the soft murmurs of friends and family as she walked down the aisle, towards the body lying before her. He was lying on a bed of soft cushion. His eyes were bound with white silk, and his arms were crossed over his chest, with a seraph blade in his right hand, lying across his heart. 

Tessa tore her eyes away long enough to look at the Silent Brothers surrounding the bed. There were about ten of them, surrounded by silence and lack of emotion, but her eyes only focused on one of them. 

Jem. Her Jem. He was standing the closest to Will, with an unlit torch in his hand. His head was bowed, his hood covering the sharp planes of his face. Tessa didn’t know if he felt any grief or emotion from his friend’s passing, but the slump of his shoulders and the dead quiet surrounding him told her enough. 

James led Tessa all the way down the aisle, stopping her just to the right of the unlit pyre. Lucie was there, along with Jesse and Cordelia. He looked up to Jem. “Let’s begin.” 

For a few moments, Jem just stood there, as if he were trying to let the words sink in. Then, he nodded his head once, his hood falling down even more. Let us begin.   
Tessa braced herself for what would come next. One by one, the Shadowhunters would walk up to Will, paying their final respects to him. She watched in pained silence as her dearest friends and family walked up to him and said their final words. Some of them leaned down to kiss his cheek, and she could hear their quiet sobs as they said goodbye. 

Tessa hadn’t cried yet. She was too numb. She still couldn’t believe this was happening to her. 

After what seemed like an eternity, she felt James pull away from her. She watched with wide eyes as he took Lucie’s hand, and together they walked up to their father. Tessa felt a pain in her heart so strong, she fought against her own body to keep herself from collapsing. 

Lucie spoke first. Her blue eyes were full of tears as she said goodbye to her father. “Papa,” she whispered, leaning down to lay her forehead on Will’s chest. “Thank you for showing me what true love is, and how, now matter what, it’s worth fighting for. Thank you for showing me the importance of stories and words. You’ll always be my first love. Until we meet again, papa...” she said, trailing off as her sobs took over.

Tessa wanted to run to her daughter, and wrap her up in her arms, but she couldn’t move from where she was standing. She could only watch as Lucie stepped away so James could take her place. 

“Father, you are the greatest man I ever knew. You were the best role model, not only for me and Lucie, but also for our children. I promise to always love as fiercely and unyielding as you did, and to teach others to do the same, until the day I join you in death. I love you always,” James finished. He leaned down and kissed Will’s forehead as tears spilled down his cheeks. 

James stepped down and took Lucie’s hand. He was joined by Cordelia and Jesse, and the four of them looked at Tessa with tears in their eyes. 

Everyone went silent, and Tessa knew why. She was the only one left. The only one who had not yet said her goodbye. Despite everyone staring at her, she couldn’t bring herself to move. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she could feel sweat pouring down her back. Her breathing was becoming shallow, her vision becoming smaller and smaller. She felt like she was going to pass out, right here at her husband’s funeral...

Come, a silent voice said. Not just a silent voice. It was Jem. He was standing in front of her, his hand reaching out. I will go with you.   
Numbly, Tessa took his hand, and he led her over to Will’s body. She gazed down at him, and she felt emotion pierce through the wall she had built around herself. 

She began to cry uncontrollably, and it was Jem who kept her upright. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and Tessa fought back the shiver in her body at the feeling of his cold skin against hers. 

It’s all right, he said, only to her. I’m here with you. 

Tessa bit her lip, wiping the tears off her cheeks. She looked down at Will again, at the cloth covering his eyes, the blade in his hand. She reached her hand down, and laid it over his. His skin was cold, as she knew it would be. Like he had never been warm and full of love. 

“I honestly don’t know what to say,” she said, her voice quiet. She didn’t even know if anyone besides Jem could really hear her. “You were- you are- the best man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, save for one other person.” She felt Jem’s arm tighten slightly around her waist. “You saved me, Will. You gave me the best life I could ever imagine for myself. Our time together was not enough, but I will carry your memory until the day I leave this world.” Her lip trembled, and she traced her finger down his face, one last time. Her wedding ring glimmered in the sunlight as she said, “You are the last dream of my soul, William Herondale. I will always love you.”

Tessa pulled her hand away, and she stepped back. She let her tears fall silently as she nodded to Jem. “That’s all,” she said finally. 

Jem pulled his arm away and turned around to face the crowd of people behind them. The finals words have been spoken. Let us bid farewell to our brother. May the Angel watch over him.  
Tessa recognized the slight emotion in Jem’s silent voice, and she knew he was hurting just as much as she was. 

For a few moments, the world went silent. The birds chirped their songs in the trees, and in response the trees whistled in the slight wind. In the silence, Tessa heard Will’s voice, his laughter. She saw his smile, as bright as the sun surrounding them. 

And then, from behind her, she heard everyone in unison chant, “Ave Atque Vale. Hail and farewell, William Owen Herondale. Pulvis et umbra sumus. We are dust and shadows.” 

With the deft hand, Jem raised him arm up, and the torch in his hand blazed to life. Tessa felt the warmth of the fire against her skin, and without thinking, she reached up and grabbed the torch, her fingers right above Jem’s.

Jem turned his head towards her, and before he could protest she said, “I want to do it, too. I deserve that right.” Her voice was dull and had no life or happiness in it. “The three of us have suffered so much. Let’s end this right. Together.” 

Jem only nodded once. Together, they lowered the torch to the straw that lay below Will’s body. Together, they watched as it went up in flames, the heat almost unbearable. Together, they watched as Will’s body slowly burnt, the silk on his eyes melting away. 

As the fire burned, Tessa watched as years of her memories melted away in the embers. Through the smoke, she saw a scared girl, and a boy with fierce blue eyes. She heard the sound of a violin, and she saw a boy with silver hair and eyes. She saw the light of a London morning, and she heard her children’s laughter. And finally, she saw her own future, as dark and grim as the smoke surrounding her husband’s body. 

Tessa stayed until the fire was only embers and ashes, and she let her tears fall as she felt her heart shatter into a million pieces.


End file.
